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Six years today and it still breaks my heart.
I've fucked up plenty, which I guess is pretty normal for everyone, and I really do try not to regret or dwell on my past, but you left a gaping hole and an ache that I can't heal no matter how hard I try.
Every day I miss you, I wish I'd gotten to know you even half as much as I love you.
quick update for lj land

I have been playing Halo Reach
It RAWKS!
I like to shoot aliens in the brains ^_^
I am much better at gaming when i don't have to take it too seriously and have people telling me how awful I am
(they just think it quietly to themselves)
I also drive a mean Warthog.
Mostly off cliffs, but I'm working on it 

I have been ill :(
After almost 2 months and several doc's opinions i have a diagnosis
I have a very evil migraine attack which could be Status Migrainous.
This is Not Good. 
Being treated with Beta Blockers which means no more painkillers/alcohol/fun
They've not started working yet so I am in silly amounts of pain, havent slept well in about 9 weeks and am very VERY cranky
Mike is coping wonderfully with this, has been so helpful and patient, makes me realise all over again how lucky I am
The cats are not as considerate.
Hopeful that meds will kick in within the next week, check up at the docs is first week of Oct.
Will need to discuss the long term effects of being on these meds as have not heard great things.

Decided last night that I am going to write a series of childrens books
Got a few story lines sorted
Also pictures.

That's all for now.
Work to do.
Thanks to the OH's crazy love for tech we are now the proud new parents to a titchy lil Xbox 360 Slim thingy...yup. It looks rather swish and aparantly comes with a whole host of sexy extras, seems a lot has changed for the console....but either way I will still get my arse handed to me...even in viva pinata. =p
this month is always hard for me. infact spring in general is a pretty tough time. it's the anniversary of several things, none of them played out the way i'd hoped.
so i am very sorry if i seem distant and a bit weepy for the next couple of weeks, i am sure as time goes on it will become easier, a few things already don't cause as much pain as they did last year, or the year before. *sigh* i am such a sensitive soul.

in other news, the Beast is back from his hols which makes me, and the kitties, very happy. but he's off again on sunday to ol' london town for a work thang, BUT one of my colleagues/friends is coming to stay at mine as her other half has to go to the same conference as Beast. So we're planning a few nights of epic yumminess, BBQs, curry and cookies, also much moooovie watchage and girly times. Should be funs.

Also big congrats to Tania and K who've finally got it sorted and are moving into a shiny new house soon, so proud of you guys, you rock all of my socks!

Looking forward to seeing those of you that'll be at Tasha's lil' party on saturday. Please to be bringing meads for the sacrifice to the River Gods.
BTW I are River God's official priesty, deliver meads unto me kthx?!

1st May, 2010

I'm really loving the track by Train that's blasting out of all the stations at the mo ^_^
The cats and I have the house to ourselves to a week as Beast is flying out to Greece (yup =/) tomorrow morning, got a few projects up my sleeve to keep myself busy, first one if to figure out how to use itunes (yes, I'm a bit behind!) and download that tune <3

21st Apr, 2010

Yay, finally got the hell outta Moonglade =p Am kicking about on Earthen Ring now with Kaeli, who tbh is just gonna be a cash cow for Kelridii and Baalb until we get us some golds from all the ass whoopins we've been handing out. Level 20 by the time Sunday rolls around me hopes, not too bad for 3 or 4 days play (and hand holding, and contending with fish jumping out of their new tank and kittens trying to get into the pc moniters and curling up on the mac keyboard, mmmm warm).

I guess maybe I should spend some time in the allotment too though, plants need tending and talking to ^_^
I am so sick of people not listening to what I'm saying, I know some of the technical stuff at work is a bit hard to follow but ffs!
Also very very fed up of feeling like I'm doing something that is pretty damn worthless.
Still enjoying some people's company and some of the tasks I do on a daily basis but for the most part it's pretty bleak.
So, gonna start looking for a new job, if anyone wants to pay me to work in a big muddy field counting butterflies please let me know. Ta.

8th Apr, 2010

Roll on Friday night, I'll be hitting the WarCrack, rawr!

House is looking pretty dark spiffy at the mo, we're slowly getting in everything we need, last week we bought a pretty lampshade for our bedroom, next weekend it's spades for the garden and allotment! Exciting times! =p

Growing some fenugreek and pansies from seed at the moment and need to get round to planting the carrots, potatoes, herbs and peas, the allotment needs a lot of work, hopefully rotavator man will come soon so the plot will be ready to sort in to beds/paths/benches/storage/compost areas. I'm enjoying having the plot, and a bigger garden, but I think I'll have to stop being so muddy and messy soon as all my trousers have dirt in the pockets and are sprouting strange plants...!

Loving that The Beast is a great cook, soooo nice to come home and have dinner cooked for me :) we've been trying some new recipies and trying to be healthy....ish. I suppose it's really my turn to do some cooking soon, not tonight though as we're off to babysit so food will be provided mmmmmm. Anyone got any epic recipies I could try out at the weekend?