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Aaaaand flailing and emotional crap over. Had a good talk with the boyfriendy beast which helped me put things in perspective, don't get me wrong I am still upset and angry but i'm feeling better about channeling it and not letting it ruin my day or dragging me down, nope, no dwelling for me.

17th Mar, 2010

*sigh* 6 years ago I thought I'd got away from the hell that was trying to keep my Step Dad happy, turns out almost 2190 days and 72 miles don't matter to him and he's still controlling what I do.

Earlier in the year my mum asked me to dog/house sit for her and Ken while they went on holiday over Easter, I said I was happy to, heck a chance to come back to The Shire and have some q time with my puppy, count me in! I checked then that Mike could come so that tickets could be booked and plans made around other visiters/work/etc and all was well.
Now Ken has decided that he can't deal with the idea of Mike being there and mum has once again given in to him saying if I do want Mike to come he will have to leave before they get home on Monday so that Ken doesn't know he was there, but don't worry, she'll give us the taxi money to get him to the station. Like that doesn't make me feel guilty and like we're a huge inconvenience at all, nope. All  because mum can't deal with Ken gettnig stressy and she really neeeeds this holiday, and she doesn't have a spine to stand up to some guy so her daughter can have some company while doing her a favour. Like i really needed 12 years of him treating me like shit, like I don't deserve 3 days holiday with my boyfriend without having to creep round like a naughty child.

I am aware that this may seem a petty things to get so wound up over (but I hope you can see it is unfair!) but I guess with all the history behind it i'm a bit more affected than I should be. I really don't feel like doing this favour now, I still want to see my puppy and visit The Shire and walk though the woods and watch the sun rise over the hills but I do not want to do favours for people who are going to make me feel guilty and dictate to their grown up daughter (might not seem it while i'm throwing this strop) whom she can and can not have visit.

8th Mar, 2010

Ugnergh, no one told me moving would be such hard work! I'm not sure why but I was working on the assumption that it'd be no harder than last time....wrong! there was more than twice as much stuff to move and less time to do it in.

So worth it though, not everything is in place yet but the house already looks and feels great. One or two little niggles to sort out re washing machine and a suspected leaky pipe upstairs but we're both really happy with it, oh and so are the bunnies, they love being out on the grass.

Can't wait to have everything sorted and start showing the place off. And for us both to get rid of the nasty colds that have been hanging about for the past couple of weeks, yuck!

4th Mar, 2010

Started training for Race for Life this week, am determined to at least be jogging the 3miles this summer.

We're starting out by walking a few route near work, it a bit limited at the moment due to flooding of a lot of footpaths (i'm not talking mud and puddles, the route we wanted to take on Tuesday was about 0.5m under water!). But we've found a good little starter route which has a round trip of 2.5 miles and we're just ambling along doing that in about an hour with a stop for a quick bite and a drink, we'll be doing that as a group 2ce a week and it's the route I usually take with Beast 2 or 3 times a week for lunch anyways so I imagie I'll be doing the walking 4 times a week (meeting and work dependant) and badminton 1ce a week.

Hoping to up the route to a round 3miles next week, then keep that up for a couple of weeks and then we'll start trying to do it in 5 mins less a week, the idea being gradually we'll go from plodding along, to brisk walking, and then jogging.

Trying to convince people it'd be a good idea, while we're walking, to pick a longer route than what we actually need to do when jogging...more exercise being good for ya, right?

Apologies for the rambling, am meant to be booking in pics at work, waiting for the load screen to bugger off!

But yus, if anyone feels like being the first to sponsor me, or even the 2nd or 3rd, please pop over to my webpage and dig deep, many thanks http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/robynbewseyholden

2nd Mar, 2010

I feel a bit strange, strange good though.
I've got 3 sleeps left in my house before the big move, 4 sleeps in total (spending Friday night at Beast's so that we can be up early to collect the keys) and people at work and in the big outsidey world keep asking me if I'm freaking out yet, if I've started panicking, if I'm worried. And to each and every one I smile and reply 'no', because that is the truth, I am not freaking out, or panicking, or in the slightest bit worried and then they look at me like I'm from another planet and shuffle away.
I'm excited, full of nervous energy (but nervous because I just can't wait for Saturday morning to roll round, I know I'll be up with the milkman, hellooooo dawn!) and so, so happy.
And to placate my more nervy relatives and friends I'll stick to saying maybe this is crazy and a mistake but I figure I won't know until I make it. Really I know it is right for us, it feels like an amazing adventure that I can't wait to dive in to.
When you know, you know, right? *stoopid grin*

There is still so much packing to be done, half filled boxes are littering my house. Teddies, notebooks and pictures, physical reminders of memories in disarray waiting for their new shelves and to be sorted into an order that will fit with memories, actions and adventures that are yet to take place, or have taken place in someone else's life.

I've got this amazing picture in my head of what it'll all look like, I'm really excited to see if it'll translate to the real world and how long those vases on the mantle piece will last when we turn our backs on the kitties.

Writer's Block: Cold turkey tremors

What is the longest, uninterrupted stretch you've stayed offline (without mobile access either)? How soon did you suffer withdrawal pains? Did you find it liberating?

I used to have to go up to a year without the net between visits to my dad's house, i'd be online 24/7 while i was visiting and arguing with my brother as to who'd had the pc longest and then we'd go back home and be without internet (and tv and radio etc etc) for MONTHS. Only used to bother me for the first few days though, I'm good at amsuing myself and usually lost myself in a book or snuck out of the house for a walk through the woods.
Not sure I could do it now though, I rely so much on the net to talk to my friends and family and to find out what's happening with courses and volunteer things.

today has been a head+wall day

Someone show me a way to get
outa here,
'cause I constantly pray I'll get
outa here
Please, won't somebody say I'll get
outa here
Someone gimme my shot or I'll
rot here.

Can haz house!

The agents called yesterday afternoon and told us it's all gone through OK, we just have to give them the deposit and then we can have the keys and move our stuff in and yay yay yay!
Told Dad and he was really happy for us, now just have to tackle The Mother...*gulp*

16th Feb, 2010

I'm having a jolly good week so far :)

On Saturday Beastie and I looked at a couple more houses, after being pipped to the post for one I'd fallen in love with in Wistow during the week I was feeling rather down and not ready to let another house take it's place. However; Oh My Gosh, I thought I'd known houselove before, but truly, it was not real. We've applied for nice place on a new, but treeful estate. It has biiiig rooms, nice decor and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig garden. Right after we'd been shown round it we rang the office to state our interest and then almost ran in to town to give the agents the deposit money, we should know on Wednesday if it's all gone through OK and then we'll pick up the keys first week of March, eeee!

Sunday was lovely, and I hope you all had good Valentine's days too. Mine was full of fried brekkie, cute pressies, homecooked chinese food and LotR.

Yesterday my Dad had an interview (he's been out of work for about 6 months after being made redundant) and got offered the position there and then, s'decent pay and will get him out of the house and doing stuff he likes.

Now I've just got to shift this cold and hope it doesn't snow so I can finally go and see my Mum and my Granddad this weekend, happy times!!!